New reason to blog - Andy fan fic!!

I've finally found a reason to blog: provide the world with my perception of Andy's life in Ketchikan. Here is the first installment of an alternate life of Andy, based very loosely on facts that I received from him this morning in our latest email string. These are stories told to Andrew, as though he were sitting there nodding, confirming my every word.

The KIC Mafia:

I bet that your blank day has turned into an extraordinary day. Right as you finished writing that email, a tip came in from an anonymous caller. He went to confirm it, and along the way were abducted by the KIC mafia. They heard you were hassling the manager so they wanted to break your knuckles to teach you a lesson. Luckily, Bob saw the whole event unfolding, thought quickly, rolled under the black van with the red stripe along the top, attached himself to the undercarriage with his belt, and went for hte rid eof his life. Right as the KIC mafia (led by Mr. T) was about to break all you rknuckles, you see Bob in the background. Knowing that he needed a diversion, you stand up as best you can in the folding chair they have you tied up to with that really rough rope, and begin singing the star spangled banner. As these are very patriotic goons, they immediately put their hands on their hearts and listen. You give a bang up performance while Bob moves into position. At the end, you shout out "BRAVE!!!" like all the swimmers do at Pete's old swim meets, which startles the goons, Bob jumps out and applies round houses to half the gang, while you spin around like a helicopter blade, disabling the other half by ramming their shins. Bob uses his belt to untie you (?) and you run outside. Luckily the keys are in the van. Unluckily the van is out of gas. Luckily, Bob happens to have some old vegetable oil in his pockets. Unluckily, this van hasn't been converted to run on vegetable oil yet. Luckily, you are on the top of the mountain and can push the van to get it moving. Unluckily, both you and Bob are fairly winded from the burst of action in the warehouse, and you climb into the van too soon, and because it is moving so slowly, this gives the goons time to recover. Those that took round houses to the face come running out, pushing those who took helicopter folding chair to the shins in "wheelbarrow" race form, who shout out instructions to the guys pushing them; they can't see because the roundhouses have caused their faces to swell over their eyes. They begin chasing you down, and just as they are about to catch you, you shove a stick you managed to grab off a tree by the side of the road between the wheelbarrow walking guy (there are actually only two goons, Mr T is the wheelbarrow) and cause him to trip and fall, hitting his face on the pavement, disabling his vision. Now that both Mr. T's and Harold from Harold and the purple crayon's vision are ruined, you and Bob jump out of the van to finish off the mobsters. The van continues rolling. But suddenly, Harold whips out his crayon, draws an eye doctor, who rapidly fixes both their vision. It's now a two on two fight: you and Bob vs Mr T and Harold. Mr T cracks his knuckles, and grins widely while Harold just gives that blank stare. You start doing the helicopter move again, but realize the chair isn't attached anymore and stop. Bob just gives that blank stare.

Andrew finishes the story in a later email because Katie wakes up and I have to take care of her:

ended with me and Bob leaving Mr. T and Harold in a daze but before we go Bob gets hit by lightning and we rush to the hospital where he is resuscitated. but not before the vice mayor has unwieldily used his power in the mayor's absence wreaking havoc on K-can. Not being able to move his limbs, Bob asks me to solve the problem and if I need anything I can call Jack Bauer on his private line to help restore justice to the city. I leave Bob in the hospital and encounter Mr. T waiting outside, who I quickly give a roundhouse kick as I dial Bauer's number. "It's jack." Bauer says and he is within moments in Ketchikan helping me fight the evils that are spreading so quickly through Ketchikan. We reach city hall where vice mayor maldefore is signing document after document to increase taxes and expel cruise ships. Jack shoots him in the leg and he stops. Then I kick him in the face and rip up the documents and restore peace to the city.

What will tomorrow bring!? (Probably something to do with the van that is left rolling.)